Denominations Pillows

'Sorry, wrong John we are looking for a Baptist not a Methodist.'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

"Wait, I'm texting the tooth fairy...I always like to keep her informed of these visits."

Man painting MOM on boat

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

"'Time management' is an essential executive skill. . . I spent the first hour on a Monday morning the delegating tasks and the rest of the week napping."

"Dunhomin"

'All of your previous employers said you are very loyal.'

"Nothing to be concerned about...your body has simply adapted to all the wet weather we've had!

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

'The key is not to take yourself too seriously: You have to be able to laugh at yourself...'

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

THE LAST BREAKFAST, Parody of the Last Supper

Transplant delivery

Hamster using it's wheel to pull it's cage along, "The hamster's leaving"

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

'Now that's devotion. Two broken arms and still working.'

'You spelt dog wrong.'

'I really lose patience with people who moan all the time about their supposed 'workloads'.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

'It was a split decision.'

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

Wordplay: Amphibious

'Congratulations Perkins! Always first arrived and last to leave. You're on your way to the top.'