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Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'House wine?'

The Salvador Deli

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

The singles bar...

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

Angels aren't lackeys - do thine own work.

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

Time Out Room

'Ambiance or non-ambiance?'

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

Winooski - A camp for sort of gifted boys.

'If you're ready, who wants to go first?'

Chinese noodles.

'Lucifer casts out into Hell'

'The only problem being a Beefeater is that I'm a vegetarian.'

'College textbooks sure are expensive. Luckily, I saved a fortune by using eTexts. Now I have to see if I can buy used eTexts.'

"Are you still working on that?"

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'

Appliances. Sale. Talking Scales. I had a talking scale once, but the refrigerator told it to shut up.

Nope, that's not what you have either! Man, you stink at 20 questions!

"How we doing for tips today?"

"We had special places in hell but what with the influx of baby boomers we're putting people wherever we can."

'Good gracious, no, nothing for me. I'll just scavenge after my friends have left the table.'

"Which comes first - the chicken salad or the egg salad?"

Kid in corner to parent: 'When will I be eligible for parole?'