Delusional Thinker Gifts

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Tia Carmen, I have a killer test tomorrow. Can you help?"

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

A voodoo doctor.

"All in all, I'd say it's a pretty convincing explication of chaos theory."

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

"I had a wonderful dream that Anonymous turned out to be me."

'The last guy had a system... if you've got a better one, I'd sure like to see it.'

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"The notion that *CRUNCH* architectural *CRUNCH CRUNCH* forms can *CRUNCH* express anything may *CRUNCH* seem difficult *CRUNCH* to *CRUNCH CRUNCH* grasp at *CRUNCH* all,"

A self-filling prophecy.

'I'm sure it's some sort of publicity stunt to get the economy moving again.'

Ben Bernanke says no recession yet.

Mathematics.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

"Wall Street Journal"

Noah falls asleep by counting animal pairs.

"Will I pass the math test tomorrow, mom?"

'I propose we trade services - you cure me of my delusions and I'll protect your navy.'

'You're completely delusional, Mr. Bloom. And therein lies your charm.'

'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'

"Witch Hunt!"

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

Law book with a devil's tail bookmark.

Man thinking it's safer driving a tank

In the name of the natural law

'You could say I'm a pessimist. The glass isn't just half-empty, it's not even what I wanted to drink in the first place.'

The Future of Palmistry