Defense Spending Pillows

"After $400 billion in development costs, the only thing it's brought down is the political careers of the six elected officials who opposed it."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

dog vs UFO...

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

Keep the econoimy moving

How the US Succeeded in Afghanistan

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

US fears missile competition.

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

Run in the Family

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

How To Cut The Defense Budget

"Today U.S. Defense Industry stocks rose on news Dick Cheney endorsed Donald Trump."

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

Boomerang

"Tell Congress we need a super duper hypersonic missile."

Cyberwarfare

'Iraq had no WMD's? Iran has no nukes? Surely there must be some terror-producing country to keep Americans frightened, and in support of big defense spending!'

"I see your point, but wouldn't it be more fun to spend it while I'm young enough to enjoy it?"

Tank. Building this vehicle will create jobs and stimulate growth! He's given new meaning to the phrase "The economy's in the tank"!

F&E Submarine Contractors. When we ask the government for assistance, we should avoid calling it a "bailout."

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

Robo Sapiens

The House Always Wins

'I just thought of something that will drive tax-payers crazy.'