Defender Of The Ridiculous T-Shirts

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Salvador Dali's cats.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Operation.

The pop-culture critic's annual existential crisis."

Baseball.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Magnet at scrapyard

The Hypnotato,

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

Trapeze artists commuting

The Bonvoy Age...

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

As Lucanus, a giant bug, awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into Franz Kafka.

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'

Cockroach Costume