Defender Of The Ridiculous T-Shirts

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Operation.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

Baseball.

The pop-culture critic's annual existential crisis."

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

The Hypnotato,

Trapeze artists commuting

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

The Bonvoy Age...

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

Magnet at scrapyard

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

Cockroach Costume

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

"Tell me again why we couldn't get an Easter bunny."

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'