Office Absurdity Advocate T-Shirts

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've made peace with Mrs. Cohen. I did. After twelve years of feuding, we've finally put our differences behind us. I see. One question, Rudy. What's that, boss? Should I fire you before I sue you, or vice versa? Before, I gue - wait, what? "What?" indeed. To be continued ...

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Golfing Boss

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Work Parfait

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Lethal Presentation

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'