Deer Caller Extraodinaire Pillows

'Tim, I think you better work a little more on that homemade deer grunt you made.'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

"... and what’s even worse – I spilled my beer!"

'I was told this was a big deer crossing.'

'Hours out here in the freezing cold and not a deer in sight! That's it - I'm going home!'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

"The guy's a natural!"

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

'Dan sculpted the shrubs to look like hunters to keep the deer from eating them.'

'That's one hell of a mating call you've got there, Bob!'

'Boy, look at the size of those tracks. I bet he will go 300 pounds.'

'It's for you.'

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 5.

"I hate having my calls monitored."

'Keep popping those tops, Sammy! Draw that buck in a little closer and then we'll jump him!'

Wife to husband about pigs in kitchen: 'Sometimes I wish you weren't the county's champion hog caller.'

If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?

"I'm not falling for that one, again!"

"Our tracker says that he's located some deer sign."

'GIT!!!'

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ..

'Ever wonder why hunters only shoot at bucks? We've got the same coloring as females. same pointy snouts. Same rack of...'

"Everytime I wear a plaid shirt I acquire a plethora of knowledge about deer."

'If anyone gets a record buck this year, it will probably be Herb.'

'Thank you for phoning our vineyard. . .'

'Well, if I got the wrong number how come you answered the phone?'

'Hello, Pizza Palace of Seattle? -- Do you charge extra for delivery?'

Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs

A man calls his dog on his cell to scold him for digging up the lawn.

'This duck call costs more than my cell phone did.'

'Oh, come now - you don't think it would be as easy as that, do you?'

'If you want useless blah blah blah from an impolite, worked-up service agent, press 1. If you want useful information given by a competent and motivated service agent, please call our competitors.'