Cattle Caller Pillows

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

Motorherd

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

World of Cow.

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

"Oh shut up."

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

Shepherd

'Oh, shut up!'

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

Zoom Rodeos

'Dang, we're losing a lot of strays.'

One cow to another: 'We should look at rebranding.'

'Do you remember where we parked at?'

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

Cow Pop Art,

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

'God darn it Tex! I kept telling you if you keep on punching cows one day one is going to punch you back.'

My mother was the one that pushed me into this business.

If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?

Wife to husband about pigs in kitchen: 'Sometimes I wish you weren't the county's champion hog caller.'

'Well Cookie. . . it looks like some horse droppings, cattle droppings, some tumbleweeds, barbed wire and parts from an old wagon. . . What the heck do you call it??'

You are never further than 2.6 yards away from a cow.

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ..

"Will these hooves ever dry?"

Barn

"Where did you get this from?"

'Well, if I got the wrong number how come you answered the phone?'

I'm a leg man myself.

"They say the mortality rates could be as high as 3%..Better buy more toilet rolls!"

"....Don't squat on your spurs in the shower."