Deed Poll Humorist Pillows

Changing one's name is only allowed for valid reasons.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"Excuse me, but it's GREG, Greg Chalmers."

End of world nigh!!!

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

'Is that the trebuchet?'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

!I haven't a clue what they are, but I don't like the look of them."

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

Newspaper circulation gauge.

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

"Michael Sherlock once said: 'Religion isn't about peace, love, or the betterment of our species, it's about power and control. Religion uses fear to control and milk its flocks. Fear of God. Fear of the Devil. Fear of death. Fear of being seen as deviant for expressing non-belief. Fear of social sanctions and in some countries, fear of legal sanctions. Fear is a powerful tool to manipulate the masses and religion has mastered its employment.' ..."

Elect Fred O. Pittley: The Candidate of ALL the special interests.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"Hey little buddy, let's team up and save the world...Then we'll have pizza, you ever tried pepperoni pizza?"

'...Love, honor, and obey, no questions asked?'

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

Useless gifts for elephants.

'Jesus forgave you because he had to.'

"Before negotiations begin, we'll soften them up with 15 minutes of cute cat videos."

'As you see, it's just a stone's throw from your embassy.'

"Grandma, take your dentures back and leave my tooth for the tooth fairy."

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

Does THAT satisfy your commitment to the Trade Description Act?

"I was hoping you had no more territorial ambitions."

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.

"Fill out this survey and tell us how great we are and Randy won't follow you home."