Dedicated Wordsmith Pillows

'I should be finished with our harrowing tale of survival by the time we reach dry land.'

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

I think you're ace

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

'He never listened to his mother!'

A Poet

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

Bell Hop

Irvine Welsh

Male On Sunday

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."