Decorations Collector Pillows

Medals on soldier and his desk

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

Emergency Hipster Beard

Posh Easter Egg

'I've had that sign on the desk for 30 years, waiting for the bucks to roll in, but I'm as broke as ever.'

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

GLOO!

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

Alien with flying spaceships on wall instead of flying ducks

'Let's face it, we're not meant to wear hats...'

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

Artists supplies: Fire Sale - Oil paints, burnt umber, burnt orange, fire red, hot pink.

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"We had these twigs flown in from Italy."

'But I've hardly got any brushes!'

'I didn't get a grant.'

Paint by number

"We offer video games, snacks, t-shirts, coffee mugs, beer and wine. Oh, and we also we have a movie."

Mistletoe and Mistlefoot

'...However Algae production is still in its infancy...'

"Waiter, I need a soup knife please."

Santa's Mask Problem

'Buy old masters, they hold their value better than old mistresses.'

Antique Scrimshaw: We floss daily.

'Art supplies: oil, acrylics, dung.'

The Job Interview

Shopkeeper thinks a fashionable man's delicate umbrella is a lady's parasol.

Spent it all on decorator pillows.

'Erik hosts excellent dinner parties.'

A pencil? Sorry, not much call for those.