Decoration Enthusiast Pillows

'I decided to go minimalistic with my decorations this Christmas.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'I haven't invited anyone back to my place since the divorce. Haven't even taken down the decorations.'

"Boy, you really decked-out for the party."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'Is that any way to take down the tree?'

"When I dropped that fruit basket in the store last week...nobody thought THAT was so pretty!"

"It's a trick for them. They've already got their Christmas decorations up!"

Xmas balloon blow-back...

Christmas Star

"I've analyzed everything and feel there are far too many grey areas for my liking."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"You're welcome."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Posh Easter Egg

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

This is the first time I've been on the top management floor.

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

King Madras

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."