Decoration Delight Gifts

children mistake fireplace ornament for someone stuck up the chimney

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Surprise!"

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

"I love these old decorations!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Framed Lady

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Christmas Presents.

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Baby squirrel & Berries

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

""Stop fidgeting. This is supposed to be a still-life."

"While you were out, the staff whittled away your desk into a totem pole."

'This way, we'll always have rose petals on the bed. Pretty romantic, huh?'

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"