Decoration Delight Gifts

children mistake fireplace ornament for someone stuck up the chimney

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"Surprise!"

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Coexist. Coexhaust.

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Emergency Hipster Beard

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"I love these old decorations!"

Framed Lady

Christmas Presents.

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Baby squirrel & Berries

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

""Stop fidgeting. This is supposed to be a still-life."

'This way, we'll always have rose petals on the bed. Pretty romantic, huh?'

"While you were out, the staff whittled away your desk into a totem pole."

'Huh. Where'd all my birthday decorations go???'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."