Decorated Serviceman Pillows

'The large crate contains my medals.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Veterans Day US

"Buy him a pint and he'll tell you about the blitz, buy him three and he'll re-enact it"

"This one is for not complaining about stretched too thin handling domestic and foreign crises."

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

"Next to my two years in the Marines, you're the best thing I've ever done."

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

Clearing up medals.

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

Military General with numerals medals and uniform decorations with 'cont. on back' sign.

'My doctor tells me I have medal poisoning.'

Remembering All The American Idols.

'That one's for being a very brave boy!'

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

'This one is for not stirring up global tensions with anything I say in TV interviews.'

'I didn't know you got one for saluting.'

'This one is for 'don't ask, don't tell', and this new one is for asking and telling.'

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

"You weren't kidding, those are just tiny pictures of your grandkids!"

'This one's a hood ornament. I got it for carpooling.'

Christmas package.

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

For service to services...

"Branch of the service? What makes you think I'm with any branch of the service?"

World War II - Stalag 541 escape club reunion annual dinner.

"I'm out of space – can you pin it on Pinterest?"

'I'm feeling a bit more secure about the world situation. He just invested in a six-year certificate.'

"I only wear the medals around the holidays."

"There's a trade today honoring vets. Wanna go?"

'I'll have the hero sandwich.'

A sporting sort - clubs , hearts, diamonds and spades for medals

Officer with many medals.