Debt Dread Gifts

Night of the Living Debt.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

'You need to alter your portfolio allocation. Right now it's 25% stocks, 15% bonds and 60% margin loans.'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

Energy Bills

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

'Will that be on your store charge?'

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

In case of insolvency break glass.

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

'Did I say billions? I meant jillions.'

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

"Oh no, it's the bailiffs."

"This was supposed to be the last session, but I think that I need to come abother couple of times to treat this sense of guilt for all the money I have wasted on you."

Vampire dentist.

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

'Is our debt big enough yet for a bail-out?'

"It wouldn't kill you to pay your bill."

"You're not allergic to molds or pollen. But you are interest-rate sensitive."

'Nice resume but graduating 'summa cum student loan' isn't really something to brag about.'

'Any chance you can charge this to my student loan?'

'Every Night the same dream. I have to file for chapter 11, but can't afford the filing fee!'

"Your mother and I have taken on too much debt. We need you to give up the condo and move back in with us."