Debator Pillows

"Well sure I believe in freedom of speech for everyone. Unless, of course, somebody goes and says something really stupid."

"Well, you've blown big holes in my argument."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"Away with the warmonger!"

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

Annual run-off at the mouth.

The International and May Day Terrorism

'Do you think that's wise?'

What's normal?

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."