Debate-loving Partner Pillows

'That's birth certificate fraud!'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're fired."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Oligarchy

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

What's normal?

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Scarcity

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

The economy.

Dialogue

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Now that's a win."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Our Two Parties, Explained

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."