Lover Of Debates Pillows

"Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Choose two."

"Life is just a theory! It's all subject to change when we get new facts."

"Is there a God?"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Oligarchy

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

What's normal?

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Scarcity

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

The economy.

Dialogue

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

Skeptic Tank.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

Our Two Parties, Explained