Partisan Debate Lover Pillows

2013 Governor Race: 'Maybe I should just hold my breath until I turn purple.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Oligarchy

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Scarcity

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

What's normal?

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

Dialogue

The economy.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Our Two Parties, Explained

"Now that's a win."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."