Debate Diplomat Gifts

1880 Presidential Election - Columbia Consoles General Hancock after Election Defeat

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

Tearing up the Iran Deal

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"I don't think Dawson understands the concept behind the 'Talking Stick.'"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"In the spirit of compromise, Canada is willing to offer any state of the United States, sanctuary if they wish to secede."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

Bush vs. America

'So tell me why you feel threatened all the time'... 4 panel - Uncle Same in therapist office.

Adios "Mexico"!

Attila demands Italy and Switzerland. Keep Switzerland but give him the boot.

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

Nuclear Families

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Democracy - one of the drawbacks.

"But I don't want my constituents to vote for the most qualified candidate! I want them to vote for me!"

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

Good duck, bad duck.