Deathbed Dramatist T-Shirts

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

A man taking a bow

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

The Perfect Foil

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Impartiality becomes you."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Performance In The Bedroom

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"