Deathbed Dramatist T-Shirts

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

A man taking a bow

The Perfect Foil

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Performance In The Bedroom

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."