Death And Dying Pillows

J. W. Hansen & Co. Funeral Directors-Mortuary

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Why bother?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"They're very time-sensitive."

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Heaven

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"Give a call when you get there."

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

"Have a seat!"

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

"Dad and his stupid bucket list."

'You'd look good in that.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

Tombstone in a cemetery with a epitaph that reads "Why me?"

"Why would He take someone so toned?"

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

"Before I go in, just what did Billy Joe McCaluster throw off the Talihatchie bridge?"

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"Did you do all of this for me?"

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

"I've always thought it was eerie. He expired the same day as his Visa card."

'I like the hat.'

'I wish I had learned more trivia.'