Life And Death Pillows

'Yet here we are, exactly the same!'

Maternity/Eternity

Just Asleep.

Life and Death.

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

"Why bother?"

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"They're very time-sensitive."

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Apocalliptical

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

Heaven

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"What if you go under before I need to?"

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'You'd look good in that.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"Give a call when you get there."

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

Grim Reaper Checkout

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"Back in 15 min."

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

"Have a seat!"

"Dad and his stupid bucket list."

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

Tombstone in a cemetery with a epitaph that reads "Why me?"

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."