Dealing With Aging Pillows

Reaction News: All the news you thought you heard.

'You're getting too old for this game, Scott. ... They say the legs are the first to go.'

'I've been having one long, continuous bad hair day for the past 25 years.'

'It's worse than we first thought. She even stopped lying about her age.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Parts Department

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

When her hex on ageing failed, Grizelda opted for the mobility - broom.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Mirror mirror...

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."