Adapting To Aging Pillows

The Hell's Angel replaced his trike for a smaller three wheeled vehicle.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Don't have a hot flush....

When her hex on ageing failed, Grizelda opted for the mobility - broom.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Mirror mirror...

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Four Stages of Christmas.

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

An old lady has her varicose veins tattooed to look like plants

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

'She's determined to grow old gracefully.'

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"Isn't it time you shaved that off?"

"Sure makes a change from New York!"

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."