Deal-making Diva Gifts

"I can't decide which I'd rather do- make a twenty-billion-dollar bid of turn down a twenty-billion-dollar bid."

"To me, good business involves give and take. Give me all you've got and I'll take it."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'First, the Rules of Engagement for this meeting ...'

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'

...and if the Chairman rings, find out who he is.

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'That's three 'ayes', two 'nays', one abstention, and one 'go jump in the lake'.'

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

'Why don't we try a renegotiated buyout offer before we go with the Plague of Rabid Bats thing.'

"I'd prefer a win-win solution – but I'm open to just a win."

'The trick is to be gentle yet firm in negotiations. I prefer soft money and hard liquor.'

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

"I came, I saw I takeovered."

Just Merged.

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

'The business is worth $125,000, tops. We expect Google to offer us three billion.'

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

"From now on we’ll no longer pay your trucking company for driving for us. We’d like to be paid by you because you’re allowed to transport our great products!"

"I wasn't talking in my sleep. I was negotiating."

"Thanks for your input Branston, but I've decided to go with my intution"

'Sorry for interrupting. I didn't realize you were still trying to hammer out an agreement.'

"I told you negotiations would be more fun without a battery of lawyers."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

'So, anyone have any idea how we go about explaining how we made a hostile takeover bid for one of our own subsidiaries?'