Dating Revelations Gifts

"How was my internet date? Put it this way, I went online hoping for broadband; I got dial-up."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Well, if you must know, he makes me laugh."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

"There's something you should know about me."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

'Well? Where is this mystery man we've been hearing so much about?'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"Son, the reason you're not happy like me is because your real father was an oyster.'

'I keep looking for a keepr, and all I find are fixer-uppers.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

Personal Ads: '...Men seeking anything that will stay still long enough.'

Coffee.. Sure, I'll go out with you --- It's all part of the process of elimination.

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

'Same old line - his smartphone doesn't understand him.'