Dating Dilemmatician Pillows

Life is for the birds.

"You owe me five bucks."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'This isn't the kind of animal magnetism I like in a man, Frank.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

'It's silly to jump at the first man who comes along.'

'How was my date?...It went OK. He paid for dinner, and he floats. I suppose that has to count for something.'

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"I was being myself like you advised. That's when she dumped me!"

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

'Well, as much as I think one glass of lager all night merits a second date, on this occasion I think I'll decline.'

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

"Oh super! Why do I always draw the short straw?!"

"...Yes, I do. But, I also believe in hate at first sight."

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'