Dating Dialogue Aficionados T-Shirts

"The kids used to call me four eyes because of my glasses. Did you have any nicknames growing up?"

"Call me?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

Quentin Tarantino

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Banana Smoothie

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'