Dating Dabblers Gifts

"Never mind your astrological sign, what's your net worth?"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

My first mistake.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

'I can't decide whether to get a lawyer or tell the truth.'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

Snow Surgery

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."