Dating App Diva Gifts

I think it's time we started to see other people. This is so sudden when you consider...we met ten minutes ago.

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Today's love

cuPad

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"Za Za Bling Bling goes man hunting."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

The Insiders

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"I need a slower internet connection."

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Social butterfly

Madonna

Blind date with girl with elephant trunk for nose

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'He was taller online!'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

Courtship versus Tinder

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

'Hey, we are roughing it out here! Only 45 minutes of IMing a night, you hear me?'

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)

"To be honest you're not what I was expecting. Your profile on the dating app said you were a small business owner."

'Baz? How the hell can you be 'going out' with an agoraphobic?!'

'Do you know what men and pantyhose have in common? They both run, cling, or don't fit properly.'

"I know what's going on here - you just want to enrich my microbiome."

"There's a woman on tinder called Melania Trump."