Date Night Trickster Pillows

'You can relax. I'm just here to kill the conversation.'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"In the hat! In the hat!"

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

Party balloons. Looks like an inside job. Helium.

Human Flesh Eaters: A Romance Comedy.

Mime Tug-of-War

"Any other skills?"

"Well, if you must know, he makes me laugh."

Forcing the Rabbit to Eat the Magicians Hat.

The balance of power shifted when sparky figured out how to use the laser pointer.

Jack started to note how these 'accidents' always occurred after he missed a shot.

Scarecrow Directions

Frog Flycatcher.

'Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother me, except Doc did the same blindfold trick last week, when he did my colonoscopy.'

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

'Say when.'

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

Fry's Family: Uncle Frank always preferred his eggs hard-boiled.

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

Pianist Fraud

'...open beer bottles with his teeth.'

"See, Kevin ... I told you you'd be too scary if you go trick or treating as a dentist!"

Child with an eyeball in his mouth.

Waiter is about to give diner the Turkey Surprise dinner.

"Your hair is chaotic, but you're really quite together."

"And do you have any other skills?"

"This is programmed with the answers to 500 popular essay questions."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'