Date Night Disastrophe T-Shirts

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Do you have anything cheap but guaranteed to help me get laid?'

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

Playboy has rigged his car with a loveseat

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"So how's the date going?

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"Well Mom, thanks for setting us up, getting me to the restaurant on time, and getting the conversation started, but I think I can take it from here."

"...then my date shows up early and I'm still covered in mud. So embarrassing."

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league