Data Mining Pillows

'The automated data mining systems have streamlined all processes so now it's moving on to obsolete system components, which, unfortunately, is us.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Anti-Agent

"My email is down... talk to me."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

British savings accounts

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Time for More Paperwork

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'