Data Manipulation Pillows

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

Why markets crash.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'