Dark Humor Appreciator Gifts

"I'm afraid the shark got your arms and legs. It's probably not a good time, but your brother's here. He needs a kidney."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

Childhood memories. Repressed memories.

"Here at Hazmat Acres we take pride in our beautiful mystery mounds."

Man sees beggar with sign: 'Burned Myself on the light at the end of the tunnel. Please Help.'

'It's not much of a business plan.'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

The meek inherit the earth.

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

Drug Rehab Clinic Christmas Menu - Cold Turkey, Cold Turkey...

Roman Emperor using a glad-hand in an amphitheater

"I couldn't finish that book either."

'Let's see if he makes it through the night. Could you hold off updating his Facebook page until then?'

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

'Mercy Business Hospital Office' - 'We accept all major medical plans, credit cards, organs and blood.'

Everyone agreed, Prudence's trick or treat costume was in extremely poor taste.

Bob's photography.

Elf Tortures Santa.

'These photo's are ruined..Not one of them has 'Red eye' ! '

"Lovely church. Do you do funerals?"

"I think he must have had a death wish"

"I'd like to see you in six months but I probably won't."

Man at gunpoint: 'I gave at the office!'

'Could you put the rope round my waist - I've got a boil on my neck!'

Suicide note.

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'So, these three little mice are blind and the farmer's wife comes along and cuts off their tails with a carving knife? Who writes this suff, Stephen King?'

'Are you serious?! All you nabbed was a dollar?'

'Before we can pay off on your husband's life insurance, you'll have to prove that you're not better off without him.'

'Alright...who's hand is this in the cookie jar?'

"You're letting them hang you in that?"

"I take it plea bargaining is out of the question!"

'And so the monsters came to overtake the city and make their home in the closets of young children everywhere. The end. Good night, honey.'