Danger Gifts

Do Not Open

"I've grown to love life on the edge."

'Relax! It's a bottomless pit!'

'It's Fanshaw, I tell you. I'd recognise that silly grin anywhere.'

The last minutes of Abu Prishniad, amateur snake charmer.

"Quiet Smithers... I thought I heard something."

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Man using to much bug spray

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Baby on board.

On the brink.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"Careful."