Damp Problem Detective T-Shirts

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

He can identify a fly taken by a trout at fifty yards range.

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Is it me or are we getting a lot more wind lately?

Unsafe Drain Covers!

'Not only did they install an elevator to help you get over the dam, they also hired an elevator operator.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

'The bad news is that you've got damp rot. The good news is - it's drowning your woodworm.'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

'Go ahead and dig, you said! what are the odds there's a pipe right there, you said!'

'I'll do anything to find water in this drought.'

"They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age."

'This tastes like dishwater.'

"I guess the term 'thin air' no longer applies."

Spyware is easy to see, if you know where to look.

"Oh, great, the warranty is up."

'I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.'

Peeping Drone

"Is it my imagination, or has it been an unusually wet summer?"

The Ocean's Plug

"He'd been drunk,he'd been walking past the zoo...there had been something else, but damn he couldn't remember."

I've checked the spreadsheet, minion. How do you explain yourself? What'd I do, boss? Since you started working here 13 years ago, average rainfall in the township has plummeted by 15%. We're now in a drought. That's led to coffee and cocoa purchases also plummeting by an average of 15%. I'm going to have to give you a 15% pay cut to compensate for your deleterious effect on the local climate. Very bad man.

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

'We're having a bit of a problem with the drainage in our bathroom. . .How soon can you get somebody out to us?. . .Have you got anything earlier than Tuesday?'

Computer screen registers alert for illegal entry as cops drag the computer operator to jail.

It doesn't take her long to find the warmest place in the house.

"Something's wrong with my computer so I'm using Bill's. What is incognito mode?"

Guided Missiles Design Office