Daily Life Realist Pillows

"When people tell me to have a great day I wish they'd let the day know."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'I don't think cholesterol had been invented then.'

Japanese disaster

Me, my master is a lawyer, so car rides with him are always exciting: we chase ambulances!"

"Pawn to King Four."

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

Things-could-be-worse-go-round

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

"I, too, get the twisties."

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

'I like waking up every morning to see what opportunities and challenges the new day holds for me.'

Then vs. now