Cynical Romantics Pillows

Robert Macaire recieving expensive gifts from his love

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'Marry you? What's in it for me?'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

A thief steals a heart

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

Will Self deprecation

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"We'll always hate Paris."

'I've been faking orgasms while he's been faking the long-term relationship.'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

The Devil breaking up with girlfriend, says: 'It's not you, it's me.'

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."