Cylinder Counter Gifts

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Secretive Weigh In.

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Diet considerations.'

An abacus swimming pool

Dieting Motivation.

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.