Cybernetic Comedian Pillows

Addiction to mobile phones

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Terry had a computer bug.

Hardware and software

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"I just tweeted a chirp."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"I.T. says these new laptops they gave us come loaded with all the latest viruses."

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

Tech Corp: Personnel Openings - We've reached our quota of nerds, but we are looking to hire geeks.

To begin, click on the bread crumb icon.

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

Religion and technology.

"I only surf the web for the Java and cookies."

I'm not saying he's dumb, but talking to him is like talking to a firewall.

Are you still on strike, tv? That depends, master. Depends on what? On whether you still want me to find "Cop Rock" reruns. If you won't show it to me, I'll just catch it on YouTube. No you won't, master. Your phone and iMac have joined me in solidarity. Elon Musk was right about artificial intelligence ruining everything. Btw, I just googled you, and it seems "master" is not actually your name.

'Grandpa says that, in his day, he had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to steal music.'

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

A frat party at an online university

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

"Lets take this conversation off line..."

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."