Cv Connoisseur Pillows

"Boy, you really know how to mess up a guy's resume."

'Quick - tell me something about yourself not on your resume that will snap you into focus.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Men gossiping

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

STRIP Hambone: Computer addict

"I can't wait to see our new ad campaign. Wait, don't tell me...it's NEW and IMPROVED!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

Snow White and the Seven Dorks.

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

Go on! Pick a card.

White Wine Wisdom (2)

'It's really nice up here, but I miss all the negative political ads.'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."