Customer Satisfaction Specialist T-Shirts

"...And as for your terrible elevator music...."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Online form - Submit.

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

"More croutons, sir?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

Communication

"Ah — excellent catsup."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

Our Troubled Chowders

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

"We had to hire extra help for our help desk."

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"I'm sorry to trouble you yet again with internet issues."

Suggestions Box

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

The manufacturing will be in China with most of the development work taking place in South Korea. Logistics and customer support are based in India."

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

"Based on our security camera footage we don't think you're enjoying your meal enough to continue eating here."

"Just how fed up with customer services feedback are you: (a) very (b) extremely (c) incandescent with rage (d) don't ask if you value your life?"

Help Desk Closed, Help!

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

'We never forget you have a choice.'