Customer Satisfaction Advocate T-Shirts

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

Your Money Cheerfully Refunded If Not Completely Satisfied.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'So Chief Executive how can you justify this new increase in gas prices?'

Big oil.

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

"Rest assured, we will be working hard to stop the onslaught of scammers and the scourge of robocalls..."

Customers are not buying your products. . . but solutions to their problems.

Driving a Lemon.

B.B.C. Watchdog

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'Well we could either make a massive investment in a new multi-media marketing campaign Or we could ask Edna to stop telling current customers to sod off because she's too busy to talk to them!'

'Yep, this model was recalled. But you're the first customer to bring back a used one.'

Your Tip So Far

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

Consumer Protection Act.

"Sure it's pure. Not as pure as what we supply to high-tech industry, but pure enough to drink."

'My name is Melanie, and I drew the short straw, so I'll be your waitress tonight.'

'The only thing I can honestly recommend is a generous tip.'

"The management consultant recommended a 45% cut in customer services, so you'll have to complain to yourself from now on."