Customer Satisfaction Advocate Prints

Your call is very important to us, at least until we get more information.

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

Your Money Cheerfully Refunded If Not Completely Satisfied.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

Big oil.

'So Chief Executive how can you justify this new increase in gas prices?'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

"Rest assured, we will be working hard to stop the onslaught of scammers and the scourge of robocalls..."

Customers are not buying your products. . . but solutions to their problems.

Driving a Lemon.

B.B.C. Watchdog

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

'Well we could either make a massive investment in a new multi-media marketing campaign Or we could ask Edna to stop telling current customers to sod off because she's too busy to talk to them!'

Roseanne4

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

Your Tip So Far

'Yep, this model was recalled. But you're the first customer to bring back a used one.'

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

Consumer Protection Act.

"Sure it's pure. Not as pure as what we supply to high-tech industry, but pure enough to drink."

Autos. We can't keep these beauties on the lot! They sell that fast? No, they have defective parking brakes. Consumer Info.

'My name is Melanie, and I drew the short straw, so I'll be your waitress tonight.'

Check out my new designer shades. $175? Mine look identical and I got 'em for $6 at the gas station. Identical? Ha! Hardly. Oh really? We'll see about that. Bring in the professional! Dear Reader, Today we introduce a new super hero: The Brand Name Differentiator! Using regular vision, he fearlessly saves everyday consumers. Hmm. Uh huh. I see. BD. Ordinary citizens, I declare a difference! Ah ha! these are more expensive. Oh, go stop a train with your face or something. Mr. Super-hero – are the

Ask Doctor Ernie. Dear Doctor Ernie, what's the definition of "buyer's remorse?" You regret what you pay for.