Customer Satisfaction Specialist Prints

"...And as for your terrible elevator music...."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Online form - Submit.

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

Communication

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Our Troubled Chowders

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"We had to hire extra help for our help desk."

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"I'm sorry to trouble you yet again with internet issues."

Suggestions Box

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

The manufacturing will be in China with most of the development work taking place in South Korea. Logistics and customer support are based in India."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

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"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

Help Desk Closed, Help!

"How do we improve our image with customers?"

"Based on our security camera footage we don't think you're enjoying your meal enough to continue eating here."

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

"Just how fed up with customer services feedback are you: (a) very (b) extremely (c) incandescent with rage (d) don't ask if you value your life?"

Alexa and Siri girl talk.