Customer Experience Analyst Prints

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"So what else can we get our customers to do online themselves and charge them for it?"

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

Man is attacked by barcodes.

"Now, I wonder whether you'd be kind enough to complete our customer feedback survey?"

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"This the nastiest email that I ever read. I want to use it as our new template."

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

Suggestions Box

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"It reminds me of the very first ad that ever swayed me into buying something I didn't really want."

'How can we see our service through our client's eyes?'

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."

"Why don't you try THIS instead?"

Great customer care is not optional.

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

'You can contact us 3 ways: an email that will be trashed, a fax that will be buried, and a letter which will be lost.'

"I can't see the POINT of all this emphasis on 'customer care'!"

First day on the shop floor.

"The main difference is that if you mail it first class. . . we actually deliver it!"

This Week-New And Improved