Custody Mediator Gifts

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

"If we can't find the way forward, let's find the way back."

Men Working Things Out

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"Someday, my dimwitted son, all this will belong to your sister."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

'Oh you mean that silly little email.'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"In what way do you feel you have been unfairly treated?"

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

'Objection over-ruled!'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

"This is just like you, beverly. We're supposed to meet alone and you bring your attorney."

"Occupiers have often forced people who are polar opposites to live in one artificial 'country'."

A policeman and protester in the same family.

"I'm sorry, 'Because I said so' is not an acceptable answer."

"You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. A lot of parents aren't smart enough to help their 7-year-old with their homework."