Curtain-call Aficionados T-Shirts

John Woodvine

'They all want to play the star.'

Taking a peek at the audience

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Curtains haberdashery

Drama Llama

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

Waiting Room For Godot.

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

Bravo!

'Mamma Mia, Les Mis, Leveson inquiry...'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

"Congratulations on opening night."

Book and magician

'Scratching these curtains will be the greatest performance of my life.'

Robinson Crusoe on the phone - "Big job. No problem, it'll be done by Friday."

"I'm ordering curtains for our neighbor, the Retirement Home for Lawyers Without Briefs."

'Look at it out there, Jones. Successful businesses as far as the eyes can see... We're gonna need some curtains.'

Aklexander Graham Bell, making the first call from New York to Chicago, gets a wrong number.

"I've got it! If we don't send Stanley Kauffman any tickets, maybe he won't come!"

'Thomas won't stay off the stage. He loves his part in the school play - he's the commercial.'

"Terrific! A hit! Broadway at its best!"

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

At Astley's

"And I'm telling you the curtains always looked like that."

Turkey Hotline

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

"Mr Potts, could you step behind the curtain and get undressed please."

"Could someone please get a plaque made? A famous actor has just died in our theatre."

'I'm just adding to my collection of figurines.'